


ACTION!!

by Jez



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: AU, AU tv series, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2282010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jez/pseuds/Jez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Director Barber and co. learn why it is impossible to direct a transformers tv series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gag Reel 1

**ACTION!!**

 

**ALL HAIL MEGATRON 15 GAG REEL**

PROWL: I DON'T WANT TO LEAD. I DON'T NEED PUBLIC APPROVAL.

PERCEPTOR: HE’S A HERO, NOT THE ONE WE DESERVE, BUT THE HERO WE NEED.

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

**RiD 18 GAG REEL**

_JAZZ JOINS THE NAILS._

PROWL: …AND IS THAT- IS THAT JAZZ WITH THEM? JAZZ, BABY, COME BACK I SWEAR I CAN CHANGE!!!

JAZZ AND IRONHIDE: *LAUGHING OUT LOUD*

DIRECTOR: CUT!

JAZZ: LOVE YA, PROWL!!!

 

**RiD 29 GAG REEL**

PROWL: PRIME… I... OKAY. I HAVE A REPUTATION OF BEING RUTHLESS.

OPTIMUS: YOU DON'T SAY...

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

**RiD 30 GAG REEL**

MIXMASTER: ER… HEY, UH… YOUR NOSE.

PROWL: SORRY, I WAS WATCHING JAZZ’ AFT.

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

OPTIMUS: IT APPEARS YOUR EXPERIMENT WAS A SUCCESS, PROWL.

PROWL: EVERY EXPERIMENT THAT YIELDS DATA IS SUCCESSFUL...

JAZZ: NEEEEEERD!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

**RiD 31 GAG REEL**

_MACCADAM’S FLASHBACK SCENE_

JAZZ: *PLAYING JAWS’ THEME IN THE ELECTRO-BASS*

SKY-BYTE: I FIND THAT QUITE OFFENSIVE.

 

_PROWL POINTS JAZZ WITH HIS GUN_

PROWL: STEP AWAY FROM THE ELECTRONICS. ALPHA TRION ISN’T GOING ANYWHERE.

TRION: CLIFFHANGER!!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

**RiD 32 GAG REEL**

PROWL: I HAD TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.

JAZZ: OH, PROWL YOU DON’T NEED **THAT** GUN TO GET MY ATTENTION. *EMBRACES PROWL*

PROWL: JAZZ! NOT IN FRONT OF ALPHA TRION’S CORPSE!

TRION: I AM ALIVE, YOU IDIOTS! NOW PROCEED. *WINK*

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

JAZZ: HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE WE’RE GOING?

PROWL: ELEMENTARY, DEAR WATSON.

DIRECTOR: CUT!

PROWL: COMMON’, JOHN, LET ME HAVE THIS ONE!

 

JAZZ: A GIANT-ASS DOOR. THAT USUALLY MEANS SOMETHING’. *GASPS* KUP’S MOM IS IN THE OTHER SIDE!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

KUP: HEY!

 

_PROWL IN THE NETWORK_

PROWL: NO, NO, OKAY. STAY ON TASK. I MEAN, SCAN ALL OF HIS EMAIL AND FORWARD ALL HIS EMBARASSING PHOTOS, BUT STAY ON TASK.

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

_JAZZ AND SOUNDWAVE WAITING FOR THE INFAMOUS ‘THROOM’_

SOUNDWAVE: …

JAZZ: EHM…

DIRECTOR: PROWL! THE ‘THROOM’!

PROWL: AFTER ALL THOSE FAT JOKES? I AM NOT GIVING THEM ANYTHING!

 

_SCAVENGER EXPLAINED HE DID AS PROWL COMMANDED_

JAZZ: BUT WHY?

CHROMEDOME: ‘CAUSE HE’S A PRICK!

PROWL: MTMTE ‘S STUDIO IS ON THE OTHER SIDE, IDIOT!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

_DURING A BREAK_

PROWL: YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD IN STEALTH PAINT.

SCAVENGER: THANK YOU, BOSS.

JAZZ: **HE WAS TALKING TO ME!!!**

 

_JETFIRE AND D.O.C. WITH ALPHA TRION_

JETFIRE: WATCH OUT, PRIME! D.O.C.-

D.O.C: VWIP VWIP

TRION: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT KUP’S MOTHER?!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

PROWL: WELL, THAT’S ONE IN THE WIN COLUMN. DECEPTICON SHIP **DOWNED** , HUMAN BASE **CRUSHED** , TRION **RECOVERED** , JAZZ **INTERFACED**. THIS COULD NOT HAVE GONE BETTER!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

PROWL: SORRY, BUT MY **HEADCANON** IS BETTER THAN YOUR CRAPPY CANON, JOHN!

 

PRIME: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?

CHROMEDOME: HE WASN’T!

DIRECTOR: CUT! CHROMEDOME, PLEASE! I HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH WITH THIS BUNCH!

CHROMEDOME: SORRY, SORRY, I COULDN’T HELPIT.

 

_MARISSA LOOKING FOR JONES AND SANJAY_

MARISSA: JONES… EH… HUH… **CLICHÉ INDIAN NAME WHICH I DON’T REMEMBER!**

DIRECTOR: CUT! IF IT’S SO CLICHÉ THEN WHY CAN’T YOU REMEMBER?

 

_DURING A BREAK_

JAZZ: I DON’T GET YOUR CHARACTER IN MTMTE. D’ YA STILL LIKE TUMBLER OR NOT?

PROWL: IT IS MORE OF A GRUDGE THING: SPARKS WERE BROKEN, THINGS WERE SAID, NO ONE WANTS TO ACCEPT THEIR FEELINGS WERE HURT, YADDA YADDA.

JAZZ: AND YOU AND ME IN RID?

PROWL: OH YOU KNOW, THE UNRESOLVED SEXUAL TENSION WE’VE BEEN HAVING SINCE ‘ALL HAIL MEGATRON’.

JAZZ: HUH… I SEE. WHAT DOES BARBER THINK?

PROWL: THAT IF I WANT YOU AND ME BECOMING CANON, I SHOULD SPEAK WITH ROBERTS.

JAZZ: WELL, THAT’S KIND OF HIS DEPARTMENT, YOU KNOW?


	2. Gag Reel 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Director Roberts turn!

**RiD 7 GAG REEL**

_JAZZ AND SKY-BYTE PLAYING AT MACCADAM’S_

SKY-BYTE: LIFE'S JOURNEY SEEKS TO FIND US. A NEW WORLD WE HAVE FOUND. WILL ALWAYS REMIND US. WAR AND KILLING BEHIND US. ENEMY EYES ALL 'ROUND. WILL ALWAYS REMIND US.

METALHAWK: ...STARSCREAM, ARE YOU CRYING?

STARSCREAM: NO... *SNIFFS*

DIRECTOR: CUT! **SS** , TAKE FIVE, OK?

 

_BEFORE RECORDING MACCADAM’S SCENE_

JAZZ: *WHISPERING* …AND A ONE AND A TWO…

SKY-BYTE: *SINGING* HERE I STAND. AND HERE I’LL STAY!!!

JAZZ: LET THE STORM RAGE OOOON!!!

BLURR: *LAUGHS* WHAT THE HELL, GUYS?

**MTMTE 8 GAG REEL**

_DJD BATTLE SCENE_

KAON: THUNDERSTRIIIIIIIKE!! *KZZZK*

DIRECTOR: CUT!

KAON: YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR, JAMES.

 

KAON: TARN! TARN! I'VE FOUND HIM! I'VE BEEN SCANNING FOR HIS ENERGY SIGNATURE, LIKE YOU SAID, AND- AND- I KNOW WHERE HE IS!

TARN: OVERLORD?

KAON: NO, MEGATRON’S RUBBER DUCKY, OF COURSE I MEAN OVERLORD!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

_DURING A BREAK_

DIRECTOR: *STEPS ON SOMETHING* HMM? UGH! KAON! YOUR SPARKEATER LEFT A GIFT ON THE SET!

KAON: I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I’M BLIND!

 

**MTMTE 9 GAG REEL**

_DRIFT AND RATCHET PRACTICING THEIR LINES_

RATCHET: I DID NOT SAY THAT!

DRIFT: YOU SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

JAZZ: *SPEAKING FROM RID’S SET* DRIFT! SHUT UP AND LISTEN!

*DIGIMON’S THEME STARTS PLAYING*

DRIFT: *SINGING* GOKIGEN NA CHOU NI NATTE! KIRAMEKU KAZE NI NOTTE!

RATCHET: *SIGHS* WEABOOS...

**MTMTE 11 GAG REEL**

_‘IT’S RUNG FOREVER’ SCENE_

SKIDS: HEY, EYEBROWS. IT'S ME. I SHOULDN'T CALL YOU EYEBROWS, SHOULD I? IT'S NOT VERY RESPETFUL. FROM NOW ON, IT'S RING- I MEAN RANG. IT IS RANG, ISN'T IT? RANG AS IN BELL?

RUNG: ...IT'S… RONG. FOREVER.

*EVERYONE LAUGHS*

RUNG: W-WHAT DID I SAY? GUYS? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

DIRECTOR: CUT!

**RiD 17 GAG REEL**

SHOCKWAVE: *NARRATING* EMPURATA IS THE TECHNICAL NAME FOR PROTEUS' ANSWER. THEY REMOVED MY HANDS. THEY REPLACED MY HEAD. BUT THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH. THEY DID LITERALLY WHAT THEY COULD NOT DO THROUGH PERSUASION.THEY-

PROTEUS: WE CAN REBUILD HIM. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!

SHOCKWAVE: *LAUGHS OUT LOUD*

DIRECTOR: CUT! PROTEUS, YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THIS SCENE!

 

**RiD 28 GAG REEL**

_PROWL AND STARSCREAM PRACTICING LINES_

STARSCREAM: THE TRUTH IS, YOU'RE SECOND BANANA TO OPTIMUS PRIME AND-

JAZZ: DON'T BE MAD, PROWL, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY FIRST BANANA... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. *WINK*

 

_ON EARTH_

JAZZ: MAYBE SO, MAN- BUT ONLY A FEW CATS CAN KEEP A MISILE LAUNCH O' THAT MAGNITUDE OFF THE AIRWAYS, DIG?

KUP: YOU GOT A WAY O' SPEAKING, JAZZ- MAKES A FELLA MISS HAVIN' A UNIVERSE TO HIMSELF.

JAZZ: YOUR MOM IS THE SIZE OF A UNIVERSE.

DIRECTOR: *SIGHS* CUT!

_MARISSA ARRIVES WITH BUSTER_

MARISSA: ...MY NAME IS MARISSA FAIREBORN, DIRECTOR OF THE EARTH DEFENSE COMMAND. I KNO-

OPTIMUS: PUPPY!!!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

_DEVASTATOR ARRIVES_

DEVASTATOR: -AS HARD AS IT CAN GO, AS FAR AS IT CAN GO. AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE... YOU LEAVE THEM **DEVASTATED**.

JAZZ: AND THE FANGIRLS GO: SQUEEEEEEE!!!

DIRECTOR: JAZZ!

 

**RiD 29 GAG REEL**

_MARISSA, OPTIMUS AND JAZZ PRACTICING THEIR LINES_

MARISSA: REALLY? I HAVE TWENTY DIFFERENT VIDEOS OF YOUR FRIEND JAZZ KILLING A GUY.

JAZZ: YOU MUST HAVE CONFUSED ME WITH MY EVIL TWIN RICO... COMMON MISTAKE...

 

**RiD 30 GAG REEL**

OPTIMUS: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, PROWL?!

PROWL: EXACTLY- I WAS THINKING. GIVE IT A SHOT, SOMETIME.

MIXMASTER: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

**MTMTE 32 GAG REEL**

MEGATRON: NO... BUT I THINK YOU AND I HAVE REACHED THE SAME CONCLUSION. THIS SHIP WAS ATTACKED- BY THE **DECEPTICON JUSTICE DIVISION**.

OPTIMUS: PUPPY!

DIRECTOR: CUT! OPTIMUS, GO BACK WITH BARBER!

KAON: ACTUALLY, IT’S A TURBOFOX.


	3. Gag Reel 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spotlight Director McCarthy. All Hail Megatron Special Edition.

**ALL HAIL MEGATRON 5 GAG REEL**

KUP: ...WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THIS MESS?

JAZZ: YOUR MOM IS A MESS!

DIRECTOR: CUT! *SNICKERS*

KUP: SERIOUSLY, MCCARTHY?!

 

**ALL HAIL MEGATRON 6 GAG REEL**

_KUP IS MERGING UNITS WITH JAZZ’_

KUP: LISTEN. I'VE MADE A DECISION. I'M MAKING YOU MY SECOND IN COMMAND.

PROWL: SECOND IN COMMAND, FIRST IN MY HEART, JAZZ.

DIRECTOR: CUT!

JAZZ: OH, PROWLER, YOU SAY THE CHEESIEST THINGS. 'MORE THAN' SYMBOL, THREE.

 

PROWL: SORRY, I GOT CAUGHT UP. SPRINGER'S YOUR SECOND ISN'T HE?

KUP: WE'RE MERGING THE UNITS. SPRINGER'S A BIG BOY, HE'LL HANDLE IT.

SPRINGER: BUT SIR, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

KUP: YOU THINK I HAVEN'T READ YOUR FILES? THINK YOUR MISSIONS STAY TOP SECRET? I KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH PROWL WHEN NO ONE'S WATCHING.

JAZZ: …SERIOUSLY, KUP, WE ARE RECORDING. BE MORE PROFESSIONAL.

DIRECTOR: WHAT JAZZ SAID, KUP.

KUP: WHAT?! THEY KEEP MAKING JOKES AND I- OH, FORGET IT!

 

KUP: YOU CAN STICK YOUR ATTITUDE UP YOUR TAIL PIPE.

PROWL: YEAH, AND FOCUS IN STICKING OTHER THINGS UP MINE’S!

JAZZ AND DIRECTOR: *LAUGHS OUT LOUD*

KUP: SERIOUSLY, MCCARTHY?!

 

**ALL HAIL MEGATRON 10 GAG REEL**

_OMEGA SUPREME SAVES THE DAY_

PROWL: BUT SURELY THE 'CONS WOULD HAVE FOCUSED ON YOU. THEY MUST HAVE SENT AN ARMY TO TAKE YOU DOWN, HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?!

OMEGA: I AM OMEGA SUPREME, **BITCH**!

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

**RiD 7 GAG REEL**

_DURING A BREAK_

JAZZ, DRIFT, SKY-BYTE, AND BLURR: *SINGING* CHA-LA! HEAD CHA-LA! NO TIME TO HESITATE…

RODIMUS: I MUST CONFESS, YOUR SET HAS A BETTER VIBE THAN MTMTE’S.

PROWL: WELL YEAH, WE DON’T HAVE TO WORK WITH JAMES “ **GEORGE R. R. MARTIN WANNABE** ” ROBERTS.

**RiD 30 GAG REEL**

_ALPHA TRION AND GALVATRON’S FLASHBACK_

TRION: ALPHA TRION IS MY NAME, AND I OFFER YOU PEACE, CONQUEST... AND HARDCORE TRANSFORMER PORN.

GALVATRON: DEAL!

DIRECTOR: CUT! *SIGHS* OLD MECHS...

 

_DEVASTATOR IS DUMB_

ARCEE: IT'S THE MASS DISPLACEMENT. EVEN PROWL'S FAT HEAD CAN'T HANDLE THE BRAIN/SIZE RATIO OF DEVASTATOR.

JAZZ: ...

DIRECTOR: ...AREN'T YOU GOING TO MAKE A FAT HEAD JOKE, JAZZ?

JAZZ: NOPE.

DIRECTOR: GO AHEAD, I WAS EVEN EXPECTING IT.

JAZZ: NAH, NOT IN THE MOOD.

DIRECTOR: OK... THEN LET'S KEEP ROLLING. ACTION!

JAZZ: **PROWL CAN GET HIS FAT HEAD INSIDE ME ANYTIME HE WANTS! BAM!**

ARCEE: FIVE SECONDS... IS THAT ALL YOUR WILL POWER CAN HANDLE?

 

**RiD 31 GAG REEL**

_JAZZ PRACTICING HIS LINES._

JAZZ: *NARRATING* THAT'S ONE THING 'BOUT CYBERTRONIANS... ...WE SURE KNOW HOW TO RUIN A GOOD THING.

DIRECTOR: **LIKE MY GODDAMN SERIES!**

 

_COSMOS THE SPACE CAMERA SCENE_

PROWL: YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD CAMERA.

KUP: I DUNNO. IT'S PRETTY BLURRY.

COSMOS: YEAH, WELL, YOUR MOTHER CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE.

DIRECTOR: CUT!

 

PROWL: JAZZ. STAY OUT OF SIGHT. I'LL BE THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, BABY. LOVE YA!

JAZZ: YOU SAY THAT BUT NEXT SCENE WE'RE TOGETHER YOU POINT ME WITH YOUR GUN...

 

SOUNDWAVE: THESE CYBERTRONIANS LEFT BEHIND THEIR LIVES- -THEIR JOBS, THEIR LOVED ONES- -TO FIGHT FOR THE FREEDOM OF EQUALITY... ...TO THROW OFF THE YOKE OF THOSE WHO DIVIDED THEM BY FUNCTION, BY FORM- WHO CALLED THEM ANIMALS. THEY GAVE EVERYTHING, AND LOST... **SO... CAN WE KEEP 'EM? I PROMISE I WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF 'EM!**

GALVATRON: DON’T YOU HAVE ENOUGH WITH LAZERBEAK AND RAVAGE?

SOUNDWAVE: BUT RAVAGE IS WITH MEGATRON!

 

JETFIRE: NOTHING ON OUR SIX, PRIME- WE ARE DRONE-FREE.

D.O.C: I'M BEHIND YOU, **BITCH**!

 

_DURING A BREAK_

THE CAST IS PLAYING CHARADES, **TEAM FORGED-COLD** (PROWL AND CHROMEDOME) VS **TEAM EMPURATA** (SHOCKWAVE AND WHIRL)

WHIRL: * INDISTINGUIBLE MOVING HIS CLAWS *

SHOCKWAVE: UH… BRIDGE… NO, WAIT, BRIDGES! …OH! OH! **THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY**!

WHIRL: YEAH! HIGH-CLAW!

PROWL: *THROWS A TABLE*

CHROMEDOME: H-HOW DO THEY DO IT?!


End file.
